Every day, children make choices. Some are simple, such as choosing which toy to play with or which shirt to wear. Others require more judgment, such as deciding whether it is safe to cross an area, how to respond when approached by someone unfamiliar, what to do when something goes wrong, or whether they should ask an adult for help.
Learning to make safe and appropriate choices is an important part of childhood development. It can support independence, personal safety, communication, problem solving, and participation at home, at school, and in the community.
For some children with autism or other developmental differences, decision making may require more direct instruction. A child might know a safety rule but have difficulty applying it when circumstances change. Another may act quickly without recognizing a potential risk. Some children may become uncertain when they have several choices, while others may rely heavily on adults to make decisions for them.
Applied Behaviour Analysis, commonly known as ABA therapy, can help children develop practical decision making skills through individualized teaching, modeling, role play, visual supports, positive reinforcement, and practice in everyday situations.
The goal is not to make every decision for the child or teach unquestioning compliance. Instead, effective ABA support can help children recognize important information, consider reasonable options, understand possible outcomes, communicate when they are uncertain, and gradually make more decisions independently.
Why Decision Making Is an Important Life Skill
Children begin making choices from an early age.
Initially, choices may involve selecting between two preferred activities. As children grow, decisions become increasingly complex.
They may need to decide:
What should I do first?
Is this safe?
Should I ask permission?
Who can help me?
What should I do if the plan changes?
Can I solve this myself?
Should I tell an adult?
Learning how to answer questions like these can contribute to greater independence.
Decision making is not simply about choosing correctly every time. It involves noticing relevant information, thinking about possible outcomes, using previously learned skills, and knowing when additional support is necessary.
What Makes a Choice Safe and Appropriate?
A safe choice reduces unnecessary risk to the child or other people.
An appropriate choice fits the situation, reasonable expectations, and the rights and boundaries of the people involved.
For example, choosing to wait for an adult before entering an unfamiliar area may be a safe decision.
Asking before borrowing another person’s belongings may be an appropriate social decision.
Communicating “I need help” when a task becomes confusing may be both safe and appropriate.
The exact expectations depend on the child’s age, abilities, environment, and circumstances.
ABA therapy can help make these distinctions more concrete.
Why Some Children Need Additional Support With Choices
Decision making requires several skills working together.
A child may need to:
Recognize what is happening.
Remember relevant information.
Understand available options.
Predict possible consequences.
Control an immediate impulse.
Communicate a decision.
Adjust if the first choice does not work.
Difficulty with any part of this process can make decision making harder.
This is why simply telling a child to “make a good choice” may not provide enough information.
The child may need to be taught what factors to consider and what specific actions are available.
Moving Beyond “Good” and “Bad” Choices
Adults often describe decisions as good or bad.
Although these terms are simple, they can sometimes be too vague.
More specific language may be helpful.
Adults might discuss:
A safe choice.
An unsafe choice.
A respectful choice.
A helpful choice.
A choice that requires adult permission.
A choice that protects someone’s privacy.
A choice that solves the problem.
This language helps children understand why one option may be more suitable than another.
It also reduces the risk of children interpreting a poor decision as meaning they themselves are “bad.”
Beginning With Simple Choices
Children can develop decision making skills through manageable everyday opportunities.
A young child might choose between two activities.
“Would you like to draw or build with blocks?”
Another child might choose which household responsibility to complete first.
“Would you like to put your books away first or your toys?”
These small choices allow children to experience making decisions and seeing what happens afterward.
As their abilities develop, choices can become more complex.
Avoiding Too Many Options at Once
Having choices supports autonomy, but too many options can sometimes become overwhelming.
A child who struggles to decide may benefit from starting with two or three clear alternatives.
For example, instead of asking:
“What do you want to do today?”
an adult might ask:
“Would you like to ride your bike or play in the backyard?”
The number of options can gradually increase as the child’s decision making skills improve.
The goal is to support successful choice making rather than create unnecessary pressure.
Teaching Children to Pause Before Acting
Some decisions benefit from a brief pause.
Children can learn a simple sequence:
Stop.
Look.
Think.
Choose.
This can be particularly useful when safety is involved.
For example, before entering a parking area, a child may learn to stop and check the environment rather than continuing automatically.
The same general idea can be adapted to other situations.
Before taking someone’s belongings, pause and consider whether permission is needed.
Before leaving an activity area, consider whether an adult needs to know.
Over time, this pause can become part of independent decision making.
Teaching Children to Notice Important Information
A child cannot make an informed choice if they do not notice the information that matters.
ABA strategies can help children identify relevant cues.
For example, when deciding whether it is appropriate to go outside, the child may need to recognize whether a responsible adult has given permission.
When deciding whether to touch an object, they may need to know whether it belongs to them, is shared, or belongs to someone else.
When deciding what to do during a problem, they may need to determine whether the situation can be handled independently or requires adult assistance.
Teaching children what information to look for makes decision making more concrete.
Using Visual Supports for Decision Making
Visual supports can help children understand options and possible actions.
A simple choice board might display two available activities.
A safety visual could show:
Stop.
Check.
Ask.
Proceed when appropriate.
A problem solving visual might include:
Can I solve it?
Can I try another way?
Do I need help?
Visual supports reduce reliance on lengthy verbal explanations and give children something they can check independently.
As skills become more established, visual assistance can be reduced when appropriate.
Teaching Cause and Effect
Understanding that choices have outcomes is an important part of decision making.
Children can learn this through natural everyday experiences.
If a child puts a favourite item in its designated place, it is easier to find later.
If they bring appropriate materials to an activity, they are prepared to participate.
If they ask before borrowing something, they reduce the likelihood of a conflict.
These experiences help children connect actions with outcomes.
The focus should be on learning rather than punishment.
Discussing Possible Outcomes
As children become ready for more complex decision making, adults can help them consider what might happen after different choices.
For example:
“If you leave your backpack here, what might happen tomorrow morning?”
“If you take the toy without asking, how might that affect the situation?”
“If you don’t understand the instructions, what could you do?”
These questions encourage children to think beyond the immediate moment.
Initially, adults may need to provide significant guidance.
Over time, children can begin generating possible outcomes themselves.
Teaching Safe Choices at Home
Home provides many natural opportunities to practice safe decision making.
Children may need to learn when they can complete an activity independently and when adult supervision is required.
Examples can involve:
Using household equipment.
Opening exterior doors.
Handling hot items.
Climbing.
Using certain tools.
Interacting with pets.
Preparing food.
The expectations should reflect the child’s age and abilities.
Safety teaching should never replace appropriate adult supervision or environmental safeguards.
Teaching Children When to Ask an Adult
Independence does not mean handling every situation alone.
Knowing when to seek assistance is itself an important decision making skill.
Children can learn that some situations require adult help.
For example:
Something appears dangerous.
They are lost or separated.
Someone is hurt.
They do not understand an important instruction.
Someone is ignoring their personal boundary.
They encounter an unfamiliar situation they do not know how to handle.
Functional help seeking can be practiced alongside independent problem solving.
Safe Choices in Community Settings
Community environments can be less predictable than home.
Children may encounter traffic, crowds, unfamiliar people, new rules, and changing environments.
ABA strategies can help children practice decisions such as:
When to stay close to a caregiver.
When to stop and wait.
Who to approach for help.
What to do if separated.
When permission is needed.
How to respond when unsure.
Practice can begin in structured situations and gradually move into real community environments when appropriate.
Using Role Play for Safety Decisions
Role play can provide a controlled way to practice choices before children encounter the situation naturally.
An adult might present a scenario:
“You can’t find your parent in the store. What could you do?”
Or:
“Someone wants to use your personal item, but you don’t want them to. What could you say?”
Another scenario might involve finding an unfamiliar object or being unsure whether an activity is safe.
The child can practice recognizing the problem, choosing an appropriate response, and communicating effectively.
Teaching More Than One Safe Response
Real life does not always have one perfect answer.
Children can benefit from learning that several responses may be appropriate.
If a child does not understand an assignment, they might:
Ask the teacher.
Check the written instructions.
Look at an available example.
Use another approved classroom support.
This flexibility helps children move beyond memorizing one response.
It also prepares them for situations where their first strategy is unavailable.
Teaching Children to Evaluate Their Choice
After making a decision, children can learn to reflect briefly on the outcome.
Questions might include:
“Did that work?”
“Was everyone safe?”
“Do I need to try something else?”
“Do I need help now?”
This teaches children that decision making continues after the initial choice.
If something does not work, they can adjust.
Responding to Mistakes Without Shame
Children will make poor choices occasionally.
That is part of learning.
A child may forget a rule, misunderstand the situation, act impulsively, or choose an option that does not work.
Adults can use these moments for teaching.
Instead of:
“Why would you do that?”
a more constructive response might be:
“That didn’t work the way you expected. What could you try next time?”
For safety situations, adults may need to intervene immediately. Teaching and reflection can happen afterward when the child is calm and safe.
Positive Reinforcement for Safe Decisions
Positive reinforcement can help strengthen appropriate decision making.
Adults can recognize when a child independently:
Stops before a potential hazard.
Asks permission.
Requests help.
Checks available information.
Chooses an appropriate alternative.
Respects another person’s boundary.
Corrects a decision after noticing a problem.
Specific feedback can be useful.
For example:
“You weren’t sure whether you could use that, so you asked first. That was a responsible choice.”
This helps children understand exactly what they did successfully.
Avoiding Constant Adult Correction
If an adult immediately corrects every small decision, the child may have limited opportunities to evaluate situations independently.
When the situation is safe, adults can sometimes allow a moment for the child to think.
Instead of immediately saying:
“Put that there.”
the adult might ask:
“Where do you think it belongs?”
Instead of automatically solving a minor problem:
“What could you try?”
This encourages active decision making.
Safety situations are different. Adults should intervene when immediate protection is necessary.
Fading Decision Making Prompts
Some children initially need substantial support.
An adult may directly explain which option is safest.
Later, the support might become a question:
“What should you check first?”
Eventually, the child may independently pause and evaluate the situation.
Prompt fading is important because the goal is not for the child to wait until an adult provides the answer.
The goal is increasingly independent judgment.
Teaching Children to Make Choices Under Time Pressure
Some situations allow plenty of time for thinking.
Others require a quicker response.
Safety situations may require children to follow a familiar response without lengthy consideration.
For example, a child may need to stop immediately when approaching a dangerous area.
These responses can be practiced repeatedly in safe and controlled circumstances.
The objective is to help important safety behaviours become familiar enough to use when needed.
Distinguishing Safety Instructions From Unquestioning Compliance
Children need to learn important safety instructions, but this should not become a lesson that every adult instruction must always be followed.
There are situations where children should be able to refuse, communicate discomfort, or seek help.
For example, a child should not learn that an adult requesting unwanted physical contact must be obeyed simply because the person is older.
Effective ABA support can teach both concepts:
Follow important, appropriate safety directions.
Communicate when something feels wrong or crosses a personal boundary.
These skills can exist together.
Supporting Self Advocacy
Safe decision making includes recognizing personal needs.
A child might decide:
“This is too loud for me.”
“I need a break.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to be touched.”
“I need help.”
Communicating these needs can be an appropriate and responsible choice.
Children who use alternative communication methods should have accessible ways to express the same ideas.
Self advocacy should be treated as an important part of independence.
Respecting Reasonable Choices
Adults may sometimes prefer one option even though another choice is also safe and acceptable.
If a child chooses a different shirt, organizes personal materials differently, or prefers one appropriate activity over another, intervention may not be necessary.
Children need opportunities to experience genuine autonomy.
ABA support should focus on meaningful concerns rather than teaching children that the adult’s preference is always the “correct” choice.
Teaching Choices Around Personal Boundaries
Decision making also applies to social situations.
Children can learn to decide whether they are comfortable with certain interactions.
They can communicate:
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Not right now.”
“I need space.”
“Please stop.”
They can also learn to respect the same communication from other people.
These choices contribute to healthy boundaries and safer relationships.
Supporting Appropriate Peer Decisions
Children regularly make choices involving peers.
They may need to decide whether to join an activity, share a particular item, ask someone to play, leave a disagreement, or seek adult assistance.
ABA strategies can help children evaluate the situation rather than relying on one rigid response.
For example, a disagreement does not always require adult intervention.
Children may first try appropriate communication.
However, if the interaction becomes unsafe or a boundary is repeatedly ignored, seeking adult help may be the better choice.
Teaching Children to Handle Peer Pressure
As children grow, peers may influence their decisions more strongly.
Age appropriate teaching can help children understand that another child wanting them to do something does not automatically make it a safe or appropriate choice.
They can learn to ask themselves:
“Is this allowed?”
“Is this safe?”
“Am I comfortable with this?”
“Do I need to ask an adult?”
Children can also practice simple refusal statements.
“No, I don’t want to.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“I’m going to ask.”
These skills can support increasing independence.
Safe Choices Around Personal Information
Older children may need support deciding what information is appropriate to share.
They can learn that some information is general while other information is private.
Teaching may include considering:
Who is asking?
Why do they need the information?
Is this an appropriate person?
Should I ask a caregiver first?
These concepts can gradually extend to digital environments when developmentally appropriate.
Making Appropriate Choices at School
School provides many opportunities for independent decision making.
Children may need to choose:
Which materials are needed.
What to do when work is difficult.
Whether to ask for clarification.
How to use free time.
How to respond to a peer disagreement.
When to tell a teacher about a concern.
ABA strategies can help children practice these choices without expecting teachers or support staff to make every decision for them.
Teaching Children to Prioritize Safety Over Possessions
Children may sometimes focus strongly on a preferred object.
Safety teaching can help establish that personal safety is more important than retrieving an item.
For example, if a ball moves into an unsafe area, the child should know not to follow it automatically.
They can learn to stop and seek an adult.
Practicing this concept in controlled situations can help strengthen safer responses.
Helping Children Recognize Uncertainty
One of the most valuable decision making skills is recognizing:
“I don’t know what to do.”
Children do not need to have an answer for every situation.
They can learn that uncertainty itself is a cue to pause and seek information.
Possible responses include:
“Can you help me?”
“Is this okay?”
“What should I do?”
“Can you explain?”
This reduces the pressure to guess when the consequences could matter.
Using Natural Consequences Carefully
Natural outcomes can help children understand decisions when those outcomes are safe.
If a child chooses not to bring a preferred toy on an outing after being reminded that it cannot be retrieved later, they may experience being without it.
That outcome can provide information for future decisions.
However, natural consequences should never be used when allowing the outcome would create a meaningful safety risk.
Adults remain responsible for protecting children from preventable harm.
Generalizing Decision Making Skills
A child may make appropriate choices during therapy but struggle in less structured environments.
Skills need opportunities to generalize across:
Home.
School.
Community settings.
Recreational activities.
Family visits.
Peer interactions.
Different adults.
Different situations.
The exact choice may change, but the broader process remains useful:
Notice.
Think.
Choose.
Check.
Ask for help when necessary.
The Role of Parents and Caregivers
Families can create many everyday opportunities for decision making.
Parents can invite children to make reasonable choices rather than deciding everything automatically.
They can also think aloud when making their own decisions.
For example:
“It’s raining, so I’m going to take an umbrella.”
Or:
“I’m not sure when the appointment starts, so I’m going to check the calendar.”
This models the process of noticing information and using it to make a decision.
Parents can also ask questions that encourage thinking:
“What do you notice?”
“What are your choices?”
“What might happen?”
“What could you do if that doesn’t work?”
“What would help you decide?”
Balancing Independence With Supervision
Greater independence does not mean removing supervision before a child is ready.
A child can practice decision making while adults continue providing appropriate protection.
The level of independence should increase gradually based on demonstrated skills, developmental abilities, and the level of risk involved.
A child might independently choose what to pack for a recreational activity while still needing adult supervision near traffic.
Different decisions require different levels of support.
Measuring Meaningful Progress
Progress is not defined by always choosing exactly what an adult would choose.
More meaningful indicators may include:
Recognizing potential risks.
Pausing before acting.
Considering multiple options.
Asking for clarification.
Seeking help appropriately.
Explaining why a choice may be safe.
Respecting another person’s boundary.
Communicating personal discomfort.
Changing strategies when the first choice does not work.
Making increasingly independent decisions.
These abilities demonstrate that the child is developing a process for decision making rather than simply memorizing answers.
Building Confidence in Decision Making
Children who rarely have opportunities to make decisions may become unsure of themselves.
Providing manageable choices allows them to practice using their judgment.
Success can gradually build confidence.
A child begins to understand:
“I can think about this.”
“I can choose.”
“I can change my choice when necessary.”
“I can ask questions.”
“I can get help if I’m unsure.”
This combination of independence and help seeking is far more practical than expecting children to solve every situation alone.
Preparing Children for Increasing Independence
As children grow, adults will not always be immediately beside them.
They may participate in school activities, recreational programs, community events, employment, or other increasingly independent environments.
The ability to make thoughtful choices becomes increasingly important.
Children who have practiced recognizing risks, evaluating options, communicating uncertainty, and seeking appropriate support can be better prepared for these experiences.
The ultimate objective is not simply teaching children a collection of rules.
It is helping them develop a flexible decision making process they can apply when familiar rules do not provide an obvious answer.
Building Decision Making Skills That Last
Making safe and appropriate choices is a skill that develops through experience. Children need opportunities to choose, make manageable mistakes, reconsider decisions, ask questions, and discover which strategies work.
ABA therapy can support this development by making decision making more concrete and teachable.
Visual supports can clarify options. Role play can provide practice before real situations occur. Positive reinforcement can strengthen successful choices. Prompt fading can reduce dependence on adults. Functional communication can give children appropriate ways to ask questions, refuse, request assistance, and express discomfort.
Most importantly, teaching safe decision making should not become a system for controlling every choice a child makes.
Children need genuine opportunities for autonomy. They should be able to express preferences, make harmless decisions differently from adults, communicate boundaries, and ask why when they do not understand an expectation.
A child who independently stops before entering an unsafe area has made progress. So has a child who recognizes uncertainty and asks for help. A child who tells someone “Please stop” when a boundary is crossed is also making an important safe choice.
These different examples share the same foundation: the child is learning to notice what is happening, use available information, communicate effectively, and choose an appropriate response.
With individualized ABA strategies, thoughtful adult guidance, and repeated practice across everyday environments, children can gradually develop stronger judgment and greater confidence in their own decision making. These abilities can support safer participation at home, at school, and in the community while helping children move toward meaningful and responsible independence.
